Ramblings for my sister

I have been trying to make meatballs using Jamie Oliver’s recipe, of course altering it by not using pork, not using Dijon mustard because I did not have any, replaced fresh rosemary with dried rosemary, replaced cream crackers with bread crumbs as they still serve the same function. The first attempt was alright, second attempt was a failure, they did not taste the same as the first batch. However, the meatballs from second attempt still sit in the freezer, I will force myself to eat them one day. Maybe next time I shall reduce the dried spices so they will have more meaty taste. If you have a reliable recipe for meatballs please let me know. (Baking is a lot easier than making proper meal like this.)

Tuesday was my dearest little friend’s birthday, Fatimah Zahra’ Fauzi. She is now 10. I really miss you and I wish I am in London to bake you a beautiful birthday cake. I hope you will grow up fast and be an amazing girl!

I need to decide on a couple of things at the moment. It has been almost 6 weeks into final year. I cannot believe it myself, ‘nearly there’ as some people kept telling me. First rotation in Paediatric went well. Now I am in Obs & Gynae rotation, I hope I’ll do well in the assessment on Friday. Now it is not just about passing finals, but also about becoming a competent doctor when I graduate next year insyaAllah.

Assalamualaikum,

Selamat menyambut Ramadhan semua! Walaupun hari ni dah hari ke 9, macammana checklist ibadah? Kita buat banyak-banyak selagi mampu, masa ni lah nak gandakan amalan. Alhamdulillah tahun ni dapat berpuasa lama sedikit di Malaysia berbanding tahun-tahun lepas, tapi raya tetap di Newcastle kerana kelas bermula seminggu sebelum raya. Tiada resepi baru dicuba masa di rumah ni. Baru-baru ni saya buat oreo cheesecake, seperti yang dijangka, tiada siapa dalam rumah ni kecuali suka cheesecake. Keluarga saya ni memamg minat kuih tradisional Melayu sahaja.

Selain itu, alhamdulillah, adik saya Ira, telah lulus peperiksaan Lembaga Jururawat Malaysia (LJM) pada bulan Jun lepas dan ialah seorang Jururawat Terlatih sekarang. Surat posting sampai agak cepat, mungkin kerana Ira adalah pelajar tajaan KKM. Dia ditugaskan di Kedah. Setelah dirancang dan difikirkan masak-masak, mak ayah berbesar hati untuk meminjam kereta kepada Ira untuk dibawa ke Kedah, jadi pada hujung minggu 7/8, kami pun berkonvoilah dua buah kereta ke Alor Setar untuk lapor diri di Jabatan Kesihatan. Agak ‘kelakar’ kerana jururawat-jururawat baru ini tidak tahu hospital di daerah mana mereka akan ditugaskan sehinggalah hari lapor diri itu. Ira agak bernasib baik kerana ada kenalan yang membantu dia mendapatkan maklumat tu.

Agak ‘kelakar’ juga kerana, dalam surat pelantikan, surat posting yang diterima sebelum lapor diri, maklumat sangatlah tidak lengkap. Tiada maklumat tentang apa yang perlu dibawa atau perlu dibuat, gambar, adakah perlu memakai uniform pada hari lapor diri, apa dokumen yang diperlukan (KWSP, sijil etc), tiada maklumat tempat tinggal, adakah disediakan asrama atau rumah sewa, adakah perlu mencari rumah sewa dan sebagainya. Nasib baiklah Ira cukup proaktif, semua kawan dan seniornya dihubungi, jadi alhamdulillah tiada masalah yang timbul. Memang macam ni ke? Banyak ruang yang boleh dibaiki supaya lebih mudah bagi ibu bapa yang datang jauh-jauh menghantar, seperti kami, yang mana jumlah masa perjalanan mengambil masa hampir 10 jam.

Anyway, tak mahu tulis panjang, semoga Ira akan cepat menyesuaikan diri. InsyaAllah.

Because I am at home sweet home. And I am occupied with other things apart from baking. So far I had only baked pandan chiffon cake for mak, because that’s her favourite and she only waited for me to come back to bake that. At this home, we don’t have a stand mixer, only a handheld one. So, to whip the egg whites using a hand mixer in this hot weather takes a very loooooong time.

I also need to go to hospitals for elective. My first elective is in Hospital Queen Elizabeth, Kota Kinabalu. I am going back to Semenanjung at 5.30pm tomorrow. My next elective is in HTAA, Kuantan which will start on Monday. I wish i can just commute from home which means about  1 hour drive each way. Will see about that.

If I want to complain about things, the list can be never-ending. I can complain about everything, the weather, the people that I am with, how things did not go according to plan. But I try to avoid complaining, negative statements. People talk about the weather all the time, but you cannot change the weather, live with it.

This placement in palliative care, made my worries and concerns about life seem small. I do not have cancer. I do not have to battle with pain, nausea & vomiting, no financial difficulties, not left by the partner after knowing the diagnosis. I don’t have young children who is angry with and could not accept the fact that I’m dying. These are the people whom I think I cannot say to them ‘things will get better’ because they will not. Most cancer patients I see in this placement, are deteriorating, some quite quickly. Everyday when I go to he hospice, I will want to know, ‘oh who died last night?’. Or when I see a patient starts to be bed bound, the staff and I all know, it is near the end. It is the time to get the family in if they are not there. At the same time, silly me to think that some of this patients will die before me. My life can be taken away too, instantly.

It is not the death that my tears welled. It is the loss of a dearly loved father, mother, sister, partner that kills me. End.